


forever is a long time but i wouldn't mind spending it by your side

by bearer_of_light



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, but if you ask me it has a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 00:39:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14557092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearer_of_light/pseuds/bearer_of_light
Summary: Short snaps of a life that was, is and will be.





	forever is a long time but i wouldn't mind spending it by your side

_It all started soft. And shy. Stolen glances in class and giggles in the library. No one ever assumed that the loud blonde girl would spend her time with the quiet brunette. But it turned out that the loud blonde wasn’t that loud and quiet brunette wasn’t that quiet._

_They were a match made in heaven. Sometimes._

 

“You are crazy.”

“I’m not crazy Clarke.”

“You can’t just… say that.”

“Why not?”

“Lifetime is a long time.”

“It might end tomorrow.”

“Will you stop saying stuff like that.”

“I’m sorry.” It was summer break of sophomore year of college and they were laying in Clarke’s dorm room. Raven, her roommate was already gone for the break, off to see her mother. Clarke was leaving the next day. “I’ll love you for three times that.” Lexa whispered in her hair.

“Lexa.”

“It’s more concerning that you haven’t said it back.”

“I can’t make a promise I don’t know if I can keep.”

“It’s not always about knowing, Clarke. Some things you just need to do.”

Clarke chuckled. “What happened to you?”

“It’s the sex,” Lexa placed a kiss below Clarke’s ear. “It must be messing with my head.”

“Good thing you’ll get a break then.”

“But at what price.”

“You are crazy.”

“About you, yes.”

“When will I see you?”

“Should I give Abby a heart attack?”

“Maybe.”

“Two months is not that much when you have a lifetime in front of you.”

“You are really not giving up, are you?”

“You’re lucky I’m me, anyone else would had left you.”

“Because I say I love and not I’ll love you forever?”

“Because you are not willing to commit to eternity.”

“I love you.”

 

_Love knows no time or space. Love is nurtured, it grows stronger and fades away. Love is the most fickle not fickle thing that had ever existed. Love is patience and love is understanding. Love is forgiving and not forgetting. Sometimes love is hate and often love kills._

 

“Where’s Clarke?”

“She’s out.”

“Again? That’s what? Third time in four days?”

“Lexa is in town.”

“Oh.”

 

Clarke loved Monday mornings. The promise of a fresh, new and better that came with it. She especially loved her Mondays with Lexa.

“You are the grumpiest person in the world.”

“It was a good weekend.”

“It was a great weekend and it will be an even better week.”

“I wanna stay in bed.”

“I’ll make you coffee and pancakes.”

“With lots of chocolate.”

“With everything you love the most.”

“You can’t put yourself in it.”

“No, but you can do me after you finish your pancakes.”

 

Lexa loved Fridays after six.

“You spend all week complaining and then spend the weekend in bed.”

“You are there and there’s no place I’d rather be.”

 

_Forever is a long time and sometimes people forget. They forget the words and promises or they bury them somewhere deep, away, where no one will ever dare to look._

 

“You look miserable.”

“Thank you.”

“You should reach out to her.”

“No.”

“You’ll spend the rest of your life…”

“It’s my life.”

“And I care about you and I don’t want to look at you like this. It’s…”

“We said everything we wanted to say to each other.”

“You yelled at each other, you never talked.”

“It’s done,” Lexa closed her eyes.

 

_To forget is to die._

 

“I will love you until the day universe dies.”

“Lexa, what did I tell you about saying stuff like that.”

“It doesn’t matter what you say. What you feel is more important. And your eyes will always be more honest than your words.”

 

_And sometimes forever is not enough._

 

“I don’t want to cry anymore.”

“I know Clarke.”

“Why can’t I just forget.”

“Because it’s not something you can forget, she’s not…”

“I want to forget her.”

“Maybe you need to do the opposite.”

“Why did she have to come back?”

“I don’t know honey.”

“Why did I have to see her?”

“You will forget her.”

“I don’t think I will.”

 

_You can love someone and hate them at the same time. Clarke became the master of that. She spent her days making sure everyone knew how much she hated her, the one who’s name no one was allowed to say. Except her. Late at night when there was no one around and when she was free to love her. And hate her._

 

“Hi,” a voice that never got a chance to fade away and a face that was engraved at the back of her eyes, always there.

“Hi,” she always thought she’d cry but there was only rage in her eyes.

People always bump into the love of their lives in the most random places. Grocery store was Clarke’s. And Lexa’s.

Lexa was the first one to speak. After a long, too long, time. “How are you?”

“Fantastic.” It was like a poison she had to get out somehow.

“Good.”

Lexa looked different as if the light was turned off and she was just a projection of someone once was. But Clarke would never admit to noticing it.

“What are you doing here?”

“Shopping.”

“You know what I mean. You’re not supposed to be here.”

“I couldn’t…”

“I don’t care.”

“Clarke,” another voice she hadn’t heard in a long time. She turned around.

“Anya,” Clarke tried to smile. “Hi.”

“It’s been so long,” Anya wrapped her arms around her and hugged her.

“Or not long enough,” Clarke whispered. “My mom is waiting for me, I should go.”

“We should hang out,” Anya smiled softly.

“Yeah,” Clarke tried to smile. “It was good seeing you,” she walked away but she couldn’t help herself. She turned around and caught Lexa watching her.

 

_Losing is always hard. Especially when it’s the people you love the most._

 

“Just apologize.”

“For what?”

“Leaving.”

“She told me to do it.”

“You are stupid if you really believe that.”

“It’s not about believing.”

“Just apologize. Maybe you can…”

“Be together for the rest of our lives? It’s not a fairytale.”

“When did you become so…” Anya sighed. “Do it for her. If for nothing than to set her free.”

“She is free.”

“She will never be free. And neither will you.”

 

_Accepting is sometimes harder than losing. Loss is fast, quick and dirty. Acceptance never is._

 

“I’m sorry.” It was early, early morning. Sun was fighting hard to wake up and Lexa was fighting hard not to cry. She found Clarke near her old apartment. Their old apartment. She was sitting alone at the same table they spent countless hours together. This time it was only sadness in Clarke’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” Lexa sat opposite her.

“For what?”

“Turning us into this.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“This place looks different.”

“Everything is different.”

“Do you hate me?”

“Do you hate yourself?”

“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes.”

“I miss…”

“Don’t.” Clarke shook her head. “Don’t.”

“I’m sorry I promised forever.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry I lulled us into something that…”

“Maybe you should stop talking.”

“Clarke…”

“No,” she wiped the tears before they ran over her cheeks.

“What do you need me to say?” Lexa wanted to reach and touch and beg.

“I can’t do this,” Clarke got up ready to leave.

“Don’t go.”

“What more do you want?”

“I called.”

“What?”

“Month after I left. I called.”

“Don’t lie,” Clarke sat back down.

“Why would I lie?”

“You didn’t call.”

“You picked up but you weren’t alone so I hung up.”

At first Clarke just looked at her. Then she started to laugh. “That wasn’t what you thought it was. Did you really think I’d fuck someone a month after you left me?” Clarke chuckled. “Sometimes you are so fucking stupid. But I guess that was easier for you, gave you absolution.”

“You told me to do it.”

“I told you to do what your heart tells you is right. Felt really fucking great that your heart wanted to leave despite all the shit that you had been telling me. I guess lifetime is not that long after all.”

“I keep my promises Clarke, no matter the time and circumstances.”

 

_Time heals everything and everyone. Sometimes you can lose too much of it and sometimes you lose just enough of it._

 

“It’s starting to be really difficult to hate you.”

“It took me only half of the infinity to get there.”

“But you still have the rest of it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any and all mistakes.


End file.
